Life...
Friday, June 24, 2005
Haven't posted in a long while....
I just put this blog back available to see.... I figure that after a year all that my exboyfriend's friends have said about him can be exposed because by now all hard feelings felt after reading those things should be just left alone. So if by some random chance he stumbles upon this blog, I hope that his feelings do not get hurt.
Anyway on to me....
I'm seriously debating on randomly going somewhere this weekend. I'm not sure where, but somewhere away maybe Chattanooga. I'm just not having a good week and I think that maybe getting away to think about things would help.
So yesterday I took a long drive. My boyfriend of a year tells me that he thinks we should see less of each other and that and I quote, "we act like we are married and I just don't want the new to wear out" Well this upset me greatly. He and I have been dating a year and he is just now saying that. It pissed me off...That is just not something you say after a year of dating and practically see everyday. Had he said that a couple of months into the relationship I wouldn't have thought anything about it. So I layed on the bed with Kasey (the dog) and just cried for a little while and then thought to myself that I just needed to drive. So I gathered my work clothes up for the next day because I was contemplating coming back that night, and attempted to walk out the door. Kasey followed, and Jack saw me trying to leave and he asked me if I was leaving twice and I finally told him yes. When I got to my car Kasey had followed me, and Jack told me that I didn't have to leave. I told him I know, but that I just needed to be by myself. Then I got in my car and drove for two hours with my cell phone cut off. I drove through five counties: Davidson, Rutherford, Wilson, Cannon, and Dekalb. I made a huge circle, so that I could think and when I was finished I turned my cell phone on. Ten minutes later my phone rang, It was Jack. He told me that I had scared him because he couldn't get a hold of me. I just needed to be alone....I wasn't joking. Don't get me wrong I did get a good feeling knowing that he had at least tried to call me while I was gone. I just don't understand why he thought that I wouldn't get upset when he told me that. When I finally got back to him, he told me that he didn't mean it in a bad way. That he must not know how to say things the right way. He just wants me to hang out with my friends more. That is great and all but there are very few people I care to associate with anymore. I just recently found a couple of friends I hadn't talked to in forever, but everytime they want to go out and do something I am working. Of course that is just the way it works I guess. Like tonight I have to work, but I was supposed to go to a Bachelorette party or out to the movies with one of my other friends who is getting married next weekend. The only person that I get to hang out with on a regular occassion is Annie. That is about it other than the people I work with, but I don't hang out with them after work. I see them enough at work, and I don't care to them any more than that. No offense to them, but that is just the way I feel. Oh well I am finished ranting for now.
I just put this blog back available to see.... I figure that after a year all that my exboyfriend's friends have said about him can be exposed because by now all hard feelings felt after reading those things should be just left alone. So if by some random chance he stumbles upon this blog, I hope that his feelings do not get hurt.
Anyway on to me....
I'm seriously debating on randomly going somewhere this weekend. I'm not sure where, but somewhere away maybe Chattanooga. I'm just not having a good week and I think that maybe getting away to think about things would help.
So yesterday I took a long drive. My boyfriend of a year tells me that he thinks we should see less of each other and that and I quote, "we act like we are married and I just don't want the new to wear out" Well this upset me greatly. He and I have been dating a year and he is just now saying that. It pissed me off...That is just not something you say after a year of dating and practically see everyday. Had he said that a couple of months into the relationship I wouldn't have thought anything about it. So I layed on the bed with Kasey (the dog) and just cried for a little while and then thought to myself that I just needed to drive. So I gathered my work clothes up for the next day because I was contemplating coming back that night, and attempted to walk out the door. Kasey followed, and Jack saw me trying to leave and he asked me if I was leaving twice and I finally told him yes. When I got to my car Kasey had followed me, and Jack told me that I didn't have to leave. I told him I know, but that I just needed to be by myself. Then I got in my car and drove for two hours with my cell phone cut off. I drove through five counties: Davidson, Rutherford, Wilson, Cannon, and Dekalb. I made a huge circle, so that I could think and when I was finished I turned my cell phone on. Ten minutes later my phone rang, It was Jack. He told me that I had scared him because he couldn't get a hold of me. I just needed to be alone....I wasn't joking. Don't get me wrong I did get a good feeling knowing that he had at least tried to call me while I was gone. I just don't understand why he thought that I wouldn't get upset when he told me that. When I finally got back to him, he told me that he didn't mean it in a bad way. That he must not know how to say things the right way. He just wants me to hang out with my friends more. That is great and all but there are very few people I care to associate with anymore. I just recently found a couple of friends I hadn't talked to in forever, but everytime they want to go out and do something I am working. Of course that is just the way it works I guess. Like tonight I have to work, but I was supposed to go to a Bachelorette party or out to the movies with one of my other friends who is getting married next weekend. The only person that I get to hang out with on a regular occassion is Annie. That is about it other than the people I work with, but I don't hang out with them after work. I see them enough at work, and I don't care to them any more than that. No offense to them, but that is just the way I feel. Oh well I am finished ranting for now.
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
EXHAUSTED
That is the word that describes me right now. I have worked 30 hours this week and it is only Tuesday. I have the worst headache and to make matters worse I went to a class tonight that I had never been to and had to take a quiz over material that I have never seen. I need to do laundry tonight too. What sucks about working so much is that when I finally do have free time I have to spend it trying to do all of the things in life that are required of me outside of work: paying bills, laundry, cleaning, homework, etc. Therefore my day off is no day off. Yet, I still cannot wait until Saturday. I get to spend the whole weekend with Jack, and I get to enjoy my time with him considering this weekend all I wanted to do was sleep everytime I saw him.
That is the word that describes me right now. I have worked 30 hours this week and it is only Tuesday. I have the worst headache and to make matters worse I went to a class tonight that I had never been to and had to take a quiz over material that I have never seen. I need to do laundry tonight too. What sucks about working so much is that when I finally do have free time I have to spend it trying to do all of the things in life that are required of me outside of work: paying bills, laundry, cleaning, homework, etc. Therefore my day off is no day off. Yet, I still cannot wait until Saturday. I get to spend the whole weekend with Jack, and I get to enjoy my time with him considering this weekend all I wanted to do was sleep everytime I saw him.
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Just for the record....Jack and my first date was April 19.....
Well school has officially started.....Summer is over...I definitely am not ready for school to be back in session. I was having a blast this summer just working and hanging out with Jack. Now I have Jack, school, and work. I don't mind Jack taking up any of my time, but the school/work thing where I really don't get a day off for a week or two at a time sucks. My new store manager, since the good riddance of Merlinda, Norman keeps assuming that my school schedule is final while I am still working on getting the classes I want. The class I desperately need is at an odd time and is going to throw off my whole getting out of school at a decent time. I am slightly stressed out by this whole thing. If I didn't have to have 12 hours I wouldn't have this problem, but I do which sucks.........I could just drop the one class I don't want and not worry about it.. I had a feeling this would happen.
Work is better. Almost. I absolutely hate changing managers. Having to learn a manager's ways of doing things is so frustrating, but I am so much less stressed about work it is not even funny. I don't worry if things aren't getting done because I am back in school and if it is not done it's not my butt. I also don't have to worry about any of Merlinda's lies, and what time she is coming to work that day. Annie also quit since school started.
Jack and I spent pretty much the whole summer together which was great. I really enjoy all of the time I get to spend with him. I couldn't ask for a better guy. He is just so wonderfully loving. He listens to me, values my opinion, tries to help wherever he can, makes sure that I know that he loves me. I am just so incredibly lucky. We are always going out and doing something different, but then sometimes we just sit around and relax. Anything is good with him. Even his family is great, I know I haven't had that with a guy ever. I can't wait to see him again. Tomorrow after work......hmmm
So lets talk about school the past two days.
Monday....
My first class seems cool it is Astronomy. My teacher has no attendance policy and there are 5 tests...A freshman piped up "There's only five tests?" I told her she was lucky she has 5 tests usually you get maybe 3.
In my second class German 1010 the teacher walked in speaking German. It was scary at first, but when I started realizing I could actually understand some of the stuff she was saying I was happy and impressed...maybe this is a good sign. The people in that class seem cool too.
My English class I am still iffy on. The teacher tried to scare us out of class on the first day, so I am not to sure. Almost everyone in the class is going to be an English teacher though so maybe this is a good sign.
Tuesday
OH MY WORD!!!!!! I didn't know what I had gotten myself into..I went to the class expecting it to be a German Literature class after all you can take it to fufill some credits for a great books minor. Don't get me wrong the professor I was supposed to have is awesome, but she wanted papers turned in, in German............I don't think so. Come to find out it is a German film class....They were trying to speak German today....Needless to say I dropped it today.
To make the day a little more exciting...as I drove home today from school I passed Kristoffer. I knew it was him so I just gave a little wave. I just wonder if it made him mad that I was being friendly. Oh well. He finally did change his yahoo profile it no longer talks about me....WHOO HOO!!!!
My mom asked me if I was having withdrawals from not seeing Jack....I didn't have a response other than that I had seen him yesterday. She did refer to us as a couple yesterday. I don't think I had ever heard her do that before it made me feel all tingly. Well it is almost 11 oo so I am going to leave the library soon.
Work is better. Almost. I absolutely hate changing managers. Having to learn a manager's ways of doing things is so frustrating, but I am so much less stressed about work it is not even funny. I don't worry if things aren't getting done because I am back in school and if it is not done it's not my butt. I also don't have to worry about any of Merlinda's lies, and what time she is coming to work that day. Annie also quit since school started.
Jack and I spent pretty much the whole summer together which was great. I really enjoy all of the time I get to spend with him. I couldn't ask for a better guy. He is just so wonderfully loving. He listens to me, values my opinion, tries to help wherever he can, makes sure that I know that he loves me. I am just so incredibly lucky. We are always going out and doing something different, but then sometimes we just sit around and relax. Anything is good with him. Even his family is great, I know I haven't had that with a guy ever. I can't wait to see him again. Tomorrow after work......hmmm
So lets talk about school the past two days.
Monday....
My first class seems cool it is Astronomy. My teacher has no attendance policy and there are 5 tests...A freshman piped up "There's only five tests?" I told her she was lucky she has 5 tests usually you get maybe 3.
In my second class German 1010 the teacher walked in speaking German. It was scary at first, but when I started realizing I could actually understand some of the stuff she was saying I was happy and impressed...maybe this is a good sign. The people in that class seem cool too.
My English class I am still iffy on. The teacher tried to scare us out of class on the first day, so I am not to sure. Almost everyone in the class is going to be an English teacher though so maybe this is a good sign.
Tuesday
OH MY WORD!!!!!! I didn't know what I had gotten myself into..I went to the class expecting it to be a German Literature class after all you can take it to fufill some credits for a great books minor. Don't get me wrong the professor I was supposed to have is awesome, but she wanted papers turned in, in German............I don't think so. Come to find out it is a German film class....They were trying to speak German today....Needless to say I dropped it today.
To make the day a little more exciting...as I drove home today from school I passed Kristoffer. I knew it was him so I just gave a little wave. I just wonder if it made him mad that I was being friendly. Oh well. He finally did change his yahoo profile it no longer talks about me....WHOO HOO!!!!
My mom asked me if I was having withdrawals from not seeing Jack....I didn't have a response other than that I had seen him yesterday. She did refer to us as a couple yesterday. I don't think I had ever heard her do that before it made me feel all tingly. Well it is almost 11 oo so I am going to leave the library soon.
Thursday, July 22, 2004
Just popping on here to say that Jack is wonderful. His family is great. I am just so truly blessed to have met such a wonderful man. He has just enough spontaneity to keep me guessing. We always have a fun option to do over the weekend. Dinner somewhere nice, dancing, comedy club, swimming, or just plain relaxing and watching a movie. He impresses me. I'm just not used to be asked if I wanna go somewhere. I'm used to being told this is what we are doing. He even wants to hear me talk about my problems he actually listens and talks to me about it. He doesn't just listen and then go on into something else about himself. He's dreamy.
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
I woke up next to the most amazing guy this morning. I would have liked to have slept some more, but my phone was ringing. It was my mom calling to tell me that Eckerd had called and the store wasn't open yet. I didn't have my keys so there wasn't much I could do. I just got a hold of Merlinda and she said her husband was in an accident, and she was on her way (He wasn't hurt). Anyway back to the amazing guy. We had so much fun this weekend aside from me working. We went out dancing on Saturday night and he said the three little words while we were slow dancing. ::Sigh::
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Well I am over at Annie's house, and Jack just left. I wish he could have stayed with me all day, but of course he had to go to work and I have to be at work at 12. That's just the way the work world works.
Last night I came over to Annie's. We watched Mystic River (which was awesome) and ate Chinese food from my favorite Chinese place. Then Annie and I made No Bake Cheesecake (yum) while both of the guys were trying to fall asleep on the couch. Bubba tried to make Jack think he was the only one falling asleep, but in reality Bubba fell asleep a couple of times too. After everyone gets their cheesecake, Jack went to sleep. I stayed up talking to Annie about Kristoffer and his parents. I told her about how at Christmas I got Kristoffer all of this stuff. I got him fun stuff and stuff he needed. My parents even bought him stuff. Hell he had more gifts at my house than he did at his own. I got nothing from him I knew I wasn't getting anything for Christmas, but I was told I would get something for my birthday. In January, I found this ring at JC Penney that I really wanted, and I thought I would just buy it for myself whenever I got the money. It was pretty cheap because it was on clearance. Anyway I told him I had found this ring that I was going to get, and he told me not to get it because he would just get it for me for my birthday. This kind of irritated me, and I was kind of ok with it. Irritated me because I knew if we broke up again that I wouldn't want to wear it, but ok with it because I wasn't having to spend money on it. Well whenever he finally got it for me which I think was after my birthday he acted all pissy about spending the money. It was only like eighty dollars which I didn't think was too much to ask considering I had spent that money on him for Christmas. Then there was the watch, but I don't feel like getting into that. Anyway Annie and I just talked about how much effort I put into that relationship with couple's counseling (which is a good thing it helped get alot out) and dealing with his parents talk about me and my family. We did figure out why his dad didn't really like me though. It is because I wasn't submissive. I have an opinion. I say that, but I still feel like I was more submissive than I would have liked to be. I think that is because he would try to make it seem like my opinion didn't matter, and this caused me to not ever give my opinion. He would ask for my opinion on things every now and then, but I wouldn't have one. The two of us breaking up has made me a stronger person. I have begun to find my voice again. Whenever a person asks my opinion and I can give it to them I feel this sense of power. It may seem weird to some people to hear that, but that is honestly how I feel. Anyway enough about that......After Annie and I finished talking, I was about to get ready to go to sleep, but Annie was like lets drink something so we started drinking gin and playing rummy. At one point Jack scared the shit out of me because he came in the room and Annie looked up and pointed then I looked back and I screamed I thought she pointing to like a bug or something, but apparently she saw Jack. After our second hand of Rummy where I beat Annie again, I went to sleep. Jack said I tossed and turned a whole lot and he couldn't get me to tell him if I was ok or not. I scared him. Then he said that he was trying to pull the cover off of me because I was hot, but I wouldn't let him I just pulled the cover back on me. I just remember thinking at the time that, "I'm not hot why is he pulling the cover off of me." Well I guess I was I just didn't want to admit it, or maybe I just wanted to sleep. Whenever he woke me up this morning, he told me that he had a weird dream that I had a sister and I kept telling him that my sister didn't think it was going to work between us. <----Trust me I don't think this way. He is too good to me for me to feel that way.
Last night I came over to Annie's. We watched Mystic River (which was awesome) and ate Chinese food from my favorite Chinese place. Then Annie and I made No Bake Cheesecake (yum) while both of the guys were trying to fall asleep on the couch. Bubba tried to make Jack think he was the only one falling asleep, but in reality Bubba fell asleep a couple of times too. After everyone gets their cheesecake, Jack went to sleep. I stayed up talking to Annie about Kristoffer and his parents. I told her about how at Christmas I got Kristoffer all of this stuff. I got him fun stuff and stuff he needed. My parents even bought him stuff. Hell he had more gifts at my house than he did at his own. I got nothing from him I knew I wasn't getting anything for Christmas, but I was told I would get something for my birthday. In January, I found this ring at JC Penney that I really wanted, and I thought I would just buy it for myself whenever I got the money. It was pretty cheap because it was on clearance. Anyway I told him I had found this ring that I was going to get, and he told me not to get it because he would just get it for me for my birthday. This kind of irritated me, and I was kind of ok with it. Irritated me because I knew if we broke up again that I wouldn't want to wear it, but ok with it because I wasn't having to spend money on it. Well whenever he finally got it for me which I think was after my birthday he acted all pissy about spending the money. It was only like eighty dollars which I didn't think was too much to ask considering I had spent that money on him for Christmas. Then there was the watch, but I don't feel like getting into that. Anyway Annie and I just talked about how much effort I put into that relationship with couple's counseling (which is a good thing it helped get alot out) and dealing with his parents talk about me and my family. We did figure out why his dad didn't really like me though. It is because I wasn't submissive. I have an opinion. I say that, but I still feel like I was more submissive than I would have liked to be. I think that is because he would try to make it seem like my opinion didn't matter, and this caused me to not ever give my opinion. He would ask for my opinion on things every now and then, but I wouldn't have one. The two of us breaking up has made me a stronger person. I have begun to find my voice again. Whenever a person asks my opinion and I can give it to them I feel this sense of power. It may seem weird to some people to hear that, but that is honestly how I feel. Anyway enough about that......After Annie and I finished talking, I was about to get ready to go to sleep, but Annie was like lets drink something so we started drinking gin and playing rummy. At one point Jack scared the shit out of me because he came in the room and Annie looked up and pointed then I looked back and I screamed I thought she pointing to like a bug or something, but apparently she saw Jack. After our second hand of Rummy where I beat Annie again, I went to sleep. Jack said I tossed and turned a whole lot and he couldn't get me to tell him if I was ok or not. I scared him. Then he said that he was trying to pull the cover off of me because I was hot, but I wouldn't let him I just pulled the cover back on me. I just remember thinking at the time that, "I'm not hot why is he pulling the cover off of me." Well I guess I was I just didn't want to admit it, or maybe I just wanted to sleep. Whenever he woke me up this morning, he told me that he had a weird dream that I had a sister and I kept telling him that my sister didn't think it was going to work between us. <----Trust me I don't think this way. He is too good to me for me to feel that way.
Monday, June 21, 2004
Well now that it is June 21....I haven't written in forever.
I have been having the time of my life this summer. I am sure that my parents have noticed that since I am never at home. They have even told me to make the decision of either living at home or not. So I am now trying to keep the peace by trying to sleep at my house more. I have been spending most of my time that I am not at work with Jack. Of course I work almost 50 hours a week. Lets see the latest updates.
Christina is still upset with me about dating Jack, but there isn't really anything I can do about that. I wish she would just come to her senses, or better yet do what she said she would do...."not let a guy come between our friendship"
Kristoffer still hasn't called or spoken to me. I did see him at church on Wednesday, and Jack was with me. He seemed a little irritated about the fact that I brought Jack. He kept flipping through his bible like he always does when he gets irritated. I will never forget the day I came into the christian center and he was there. He was sitting in one of the big comfy chairs flipping through a magazine. I think he flipped through it like 12 times. Anyway Jack said that he thought Kristoffer gave him a dirty look. Which honestly wouldn't surprise me, but I don't know why he didn't just give me the dirty look. Probably because he knows I would have said something after service. Sean did call me again a couple of weeks ago. He said that Kristoffer had come by, but he didn't answer the door because it was Sunday and Kristoffer had arrived unannounced. Then he said he just thought he would call me and see what I was up to. I was over at Jack's mom's house eating. That's Jack always wanting to grill out...mmmmmm.
Jack is wonderful. I couldn't ask for a better guy. I have so much fun with him. I love going over to him mom's house and hanging out there. His family is so nice. He took me out to Silverado's the other night, and I had such a good time trying to figure out this one dance. Ok so the slow dancing was wonderful too. He is so sweet. God it makes me sick. I am just so not used to it. Don't get me wrong though it is a good sick. I love the way he treats me. Anyway on Sunday he didn't feel that great and I think after we went fishing with his dad we pretty much slept the rest of the day away. I enjoyed the sleep since I had been woken up early on my days off. <----I really don't mind too much. Especially if it is a nice wake up rather than Jennifer get up. I spent the entire weekend with him and now I am home sadly. I can't wait till my parents go out of town for a week. He is coming to spend the week with me at my house. It is going to be wonderful. I am going to try to work only mornings that week. Then the next week I am going to stay over at Annie's since Bubba is going to Maine.
Well the work situation is going almost ok right now and the only reason is that Annie is working with me now and she is the second assistant. So now I have an Allie and a few spies. I am planning on making another blog for work though so that I will have somewhere to post all of the crap that keeps going on at work. I am so tired of it. Jack is my escape.
I have been having the time of my life this summer. I am sure that my parents have noticed that since I am never at home. They have even told me to make the decision of either living at home or not. So I am now trying to keep the peace by trying to sleep at my house more. I have been spending most of my time that I am not at work with Jack. Of course I work almost 50 hours a week. Lets see the latest updates.
Christina is still upset with me about dating Jack, but there isn't really anything I can do about that. I wish she would just come to her senses, or better yet do what she said she would do...."not let a guy come between our friendship"
Kristoffer still hasn't called or spoken to me. I did see him at church on Wednesday, and Jack was with me. He seemed a little irritated about the fact that I brought Jack. He kept flipping through his bible like he always does when he gets irritated. I will never forget the day I came into the christian center and he was there. He was sitting in one of the big comfy chairs flipping through a magazine. I think he flipped through it like 12 times. Anyway Jack said that he thought Kristoffer gave him a dirty look. Which honestly wouldn't surprise me, but I don't know why he didn't just give me the dirty look. Probably because he knows I would have said something after service. Sean did call me again a couple of weeks ago. He said that Kristoffer had come by, but he didn't answer the door because it was Sunday and Kristoffer had arrived unannounced. Then he said he just thought he would call me and see what I was up to. I was over at Jack's mom's house eating. That's Jack always wanting to grill out...mmmmmm.
Jack is wonderful. I couldn't ask for a better guy. I have so much fun with him. I love going over to him mom's house and hanging out there. His family is so nice. He took me out to Silverado's the other night, and I had such a good time trying to figure out this one dance. Ok so the slow dancing was wonderful too. He is so sweet. God it makes me sick. I am just so not used to it. Don't get me wrong though it is a good sick. I love the way he treats me. Anyway on Sunday he didn't feel that great and I think after we went fishing with his dad we pretty much slept the rest of the day away. I enjoyed the sleep since I had been woken up early on my days off. <----I really don't mind too much. Especially if it is a nice wake up rather than Jennifer get up. I spent the entire weekend with him and now I am home sadly. I can't wait till my parents go out of town for a week. He is coming to spend the week with me at my house. It is going to be wonderful. I am going to try to work only mornings that week. Then the next week I am going to stay over at Annie's since Bubba is going to Maine.
Well the work situation is going almost ok right now and the only reason is that Annie is working with me now and she is the second assistant. So now I have an Allie and a few spies. I am planning on making another blog for work though so that I will have somewhere to post all of the crap that keeps going on at work. I am so tired of it. Jack is my escape.
