Life...
Friday, May 21, 2004
It's FRIDAY!!
Ok so I actually have today off, but I get stuck working all weekend....13 hours Saturday and 10 hours Sunday...yuck. I am going to be exhausted. Oh well at least I get next Saturday off...I think and then the next weekend I should have off completely. Whoo Hoo..
I spent the night with Jack last night. I've decided I like to sleep on the inside close to the wall...Maybe that is my whole body pillow thing where I have to have one on each side of me, or maybe I just feel more protected that way. He asked me this morning if I had been a neglected girlfriend.....I said yes, but I keep asking myself if that is true. I think in someways it was true. His car came before me. If his car was down I drove him around including to work sometimes...He had to be at work around 3:00 in the morning and then he got off of work around 8:00, and of course he worked off of Elm Hill Pike and he lived in Lascassas. This means I would drive around 35 minutes to his house and then turn around and go back towards Nashville for about an hour and then drive home for about 30 minutes. I guess I was trying to be the perfect girlfriend or something. He used to tell some of the guys that he worked with at Barnett about me, and they were always like wow I wish my girlfriend was like that. I took care of him more than he took care of me. I remember this one time that I lost someone that was dear to me, and I didn't even tell him because I knew he would act like it was no big deal. Whenever my uncle passed away recently I don't even remember hearing him say anything about it. I told him and he went right on talking about himself. Everytime I needed him he couldn't be there for me. So for the past three years not only have I dealt with alot of his emotional stuff I've had to deal with my emotions all alone. Yeah I could have talked to my friend's, but after a while I started to think that they didn't care. The last couple of times we broke up I didn't even tell my friends unless they asked about him. I really honestly thought that they were tired of hearing me tell them about what he had done this time. Had he just stopped calling or did I get a forewarning? Yet, then again I had deserted alot of my friends so I really didn't want them to think that when I did want to go out with them it was because Kristoffer was out of the picture. Almost as if I didn't have time for them while we were together. The last time we broke up I picked up the pieces and moved on I was so happy.....and then he came back and I was happy for a while, but then it just went back to the same old stuff. Some of the things that killed me the most were the nights when I got no hug before he left, the many times that we had sex and there was no kiss...it was just sex and he wondered why I never wanted to do anything...the times that he would talk to someone for an example Laura and then that is all he wanted to talk about. Wow Laura said this or me and Alyssa have so much in common...Don't get me wrong Laura is absolutely gorgeous and I don't blame him for liking her, but I didn't want to hear about it. And why he didn't just continue talking to Alyssa and not gotten back together with me this last time I will never know because they are perfect for each other or at least that is the way he made it sound. She didn't want kids neither does he. He claims that she had mental issues and so does he(literally. Etc. His dad said the last time we got back together that Kristoffer would come to his senses and one day he wouldn't be having a bi-polar moment and he would get rid of me for good.<-----I wonder if this last one was a bi-polar moment or not....hmmm.....or did I get rid of him.
Anyway the whole point of that big long paragraph was going to be that maybe I wasn't neglected, but instead it looks like I tried to prove that I was.
Jack and I are supposed to go see Shrek 2 tonight.
I just hope that it is not sold out when we get there. That would be such a disappointment. I can't wait to see that movie. I need to go pick up my last paycheck from the depot. I just dread walking in there. The thought of someone saying something to me and then me going off just doesn't look to exciting today. It takes alot to get me mad, but when I am I let it all out at once. That is hilarious....people always see me as nice sweet Jennifer, but then I get pissed and they see that total change to "damn I didn't know she had it in her" Jennifer. I only let that out maybe once a year. I just don't see the point in getting angry over stupid stuff. Normally whenever I do go off I will block it out. Like this one time I told my ex Silas off....I barely remember doing it. I just remember being about to get into the car and Silas said something about Kristoffer (they knew each other so therefore Silas had said alot about Kristoffer, but I was just tired of it this time) and I got out of the car and let him have it. I wish I could remember what I said because I am sure he deserved it all.
Well it is shower time....I gotta look cute for Jack later so that means I need to take a shower and lotion up. Go get my paycheck. Etc.
LOL. 
Ok so I actually have today off, but I get stuck working all weekend....13 hours Saturday and 10 hours Sunday...yuck. I am going to be exhausted. Oh well at least I get next Saturday off...I think and then the next weekend I should have off completely. Whoo Hoo..
I spent the night with Jack last night. I've decided I like to sleep on the inside close to the wall...Maybe that is my whole body pillow thing where I have to have one on each side of me, or maybe I just feel more protected that way. He asked me this morning if I had been a neglected girlfriend.....I said yes, but I keep asking myself if that is true. I think in someways it was true. His car came before me. If his car was down I drove him around including to work sometimes...He had to be at work around 3:00 in the morning and then he got off of work around 8:00, and of course he worked off of Elm Hill Pike and he lived in Lascassas. This means I would drive around 35 minutes to his house and then turn around and go back towards Nashville for about an hour and then drive home for about 30 minutes. I guess I was trying to be the perfect girlfriend or something. He used to tell some of the guys that he worked with at Barnett about me, and they were always like wow I wish my girlfriend was like that. I took care of him more than he took care of me. I remember this one time that I lost someone that was dear to me, and I didn't even tell him because I knew he would act like it was no big deal. Whenever my uncle passed away recently I don't even remember hearing him say anything about it. I told him and he went right on talking about himself. Everytime I needed him he couldn't be there for me. So for the past three years not only have I dealt with alot of his emotional stuff I've had to deal with my emotions all alone. Yeah I could have talked to my friend's, but after a while I started to think that they didn't care. The last couple of times we broke up I didn't even tell my friends unless they asked about him. I really honestly thought that they were tired of hearing me tell them about what he had done this time. Had he just stopped calling or did I get a forewarning? Yet, then again I had deserted alot of my friends so I really didn't want them to think that when I did want to go out with them it was because Kristoffer was out of the picture. Almost as if I didn't have time for them while we were together. The last time we broke up I picked up the pieces and moved on I was so happy.....and then he came back and I was happy for a while, but then it just went back to the same old stuff. Some of the things that killed me the most were the nights when I got no hug before he left, the many times that we had sex and there was no kiss...it was just sex and he wondered why I never wanted to do anything...the times that he would talk to someone for an example Laura and then that is all he wanted to talk about. Wow Laura said this or me and Alyssa have so much in common...Don't get me wrong Laura is absolutely gorgeous and I don't blame him for liking her, but I didn't want to hear about it. And why he didn't just continue talking to Alyssa and not gotten back together with me this last time I will never know because they are perfect for each other or at least that is the way he made it sound. She didn't want kids neither does he. He claims that she had mental issues and so does he(literally. Etc. His dad said the last time we got back together that Kristoffer would come to his senses and one day he wouldn't be having a bi-polar moment and he would get rid of me for good.<-----I wonder if this last one was a bi-polar moment or not....hmmm.....or did I get rid of him.
Anyway the whole point of that big long paragraph was going to be that maybe I wasn't neglected, but instead it looks like I tried to prove that I was.
Jack and I are supposed to go see Shrek 2 tonight.
I just hope that it is not sold out when we get there. That would be such a disappointment. I can't wait to see that movie. I need to go pick up my last paycheck from the depot. I just dread walking in there. The thought of someone saying something to me and then me going off just doesn't look to exciting today. It takes alot to get me mad, but when I am I let it all out at once. That is hilarious....people always see me as nice sweet Jennifer, but then I get pissed and they see that total change to "damn I didn't know she had it in her" Jennifer. I only let that out maybe once a year. I just don't see the point in getting angry over stupid stuff. Normally whenever I do go off I will block it out. Like this one time I told my ex Silas off....I barely remember doing it. I just remember being about to get into the car and Silas said something about Kristoffer (they knew each other so therefore Silas had said alot about Kristoffer, but I was just tired of it this time) and I got out of the car and let him have it. I wish I could remember what I said because I am sure he deserved it all.
Well it is shower time....I gotta look cute for Jack later so that means I need to take a shower and lotion up. Go get my paycheck. Etc.
LOL.
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